Tuesday, November 14, 2006
I guess it all boils down to this
I screwed up my Econs Paper 3 big time.I'm not trying to boast or anything, but truth to be told, Econs is and always has been my strongest subject. I just blanked out when I started the paper. I don't get it, the questions just looked so damn foreign to me though I've read about them, practiced a-zillion papers and what not. But so what? Like anybody's gonna give a fucking damn. It doesn't matter how well others think of you or how well you have always been doing. Like your friends/teachers' testimonial about your grades will help at all. There's just no justification as long as you screw up your paper. And I can't believe that I, my name, Ivan Tan, 3006/0082, will be judged by that those pieces of incomplete essays and that complete thrash I handed in less than 6 hours ago. No man, that won't do. That just isn't fair. I want my A. And now I can't get it. Not anymore.
I feel like a fucking loser. Like a dumb ass motherfucker who, under test conditions, simply can't think properly nor perform. I don't get it either, this has no logic at all. I have never freaked out for examinations at all. Not even once. And this time it has to come down so hard on me; I'm like a motherfucking stepping stone for some top school motherfucker's success. And this, whether or not I like it, isn't gonna bloody hell change. Everybody has told me that I shouldn't brood over it because I can't change a thing. But it's particularly and pertinently because I can't change a damned thing that's why I'm behaving in this manner. My head's about to explode now. I'm drained over this whole damned shit. Subconsciously, the stress is proliferating because I bloody hell damn know at the back of my head that I must do well tomorrow for Econs Papers 1 & 2 if I wanna even come close to a decent grade.
I feel like letting go right now really. I'm just that close. I just wish I had the strength to at least tide over this fucking crisis. And I don't know who to turn to. Mortals aren't helping with their insensitive remarks and behaviour; both of which I can't blame, and the omnipotent's forever missign from my life.
posted@10:38 PM
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Well hello world
Aloha.I've got practically zero inspiration to write. And I'm particularly anal when it comes to publishing entries because I'm a fervent believer that what you write is more or less what you are. Hence if I publish thrash, I'm, well, I'm stating the obvious.
To reach out to the deepest depths of my heart and prick it a little, I find a nebulous entity known as the conscience. And to be true to this entity, I'm gonna say that I'm writing this entry simply because I just read an unnamed-individual's blog and it more or less infuriated me. Simply because it's complete thrash that's coated with mindless, or (excuse me), downright thrashy rhetoric. Perhaps it's not either or; it's like mindless compounded with thrashy. Mutually reinforcing. Thrash remains thrash notwithstanding.
At this point in time, I look back in the dumb ass window that's framing my words, and I feel somewhat restricted. I wished I could have written all of these with a pen . And have them published on what our dearest "Straight" Times labelled as a "...rising phenomenum. Companies are watching too." a.k.a the blogging community. Like wow man. To all companies reading this, kthxbye.
Word has it that Bush is coming to Singapore, and hence the delay with some papers on the 16th and 17th. My guess is that the Asian leaders are getting a little wobbly with the plethora of Free Trade Agreements Lil' Georgie hooked them up on. That is, after the Republican 'got a thumpin' from the Democrats. Har har. And in direct relation to this issue, JW and I were speculating if the bloody CIA would be drawing up quarantine zones around Singapore. And if they did, what could possibly happen to our skulls if we stepped into it.
Alright nuff nuff. A Levels is getting to me. Till then.
posted@11:11 PM
